Today i received a shocking news from my "brother", that his galfriend had broken up with him. At first I was shocked, then i felt unhappy and sad. Firstly, I felt the girl's way of handling it was incorrect. Secondly, I thought the girl's definition of salvaging a situation was wrong.

Although I know due to religious reasons, she was obliged / encouraged to give the other party more time and see if love will "blossom" after that, BUT by giving too much time and draging it for too long, not only have you not salvage the relationship, you only tend to complicate the situation.

Being straight forward is a good when you want the break up to be made clear to the other party, BUT sometimes not only you have to be straight forward, you need to explain further and be firm with your decision to really tell the other party and make sure they know it is really over. If not, they may still cling on to the hope that "we may patch again".

Maybe people may think that I am too young to comment on this kinda of stuff, thus I must emphasize that what I am saying would be plainly my own opinion.

I feel that if I am in this kinda situation, I will first talk it out with the other party about how I am feeling, and if he wants a second chance, I will still give, but I will only give ONCE. This once chance is for both of us to think it through and see whether we are really suited for each other. I will give my self a period of time to try it out, maybe 1-2 months, but if after that I still have doubts about our relationship, even if it is 1 percent, I will still let the other party go, and explain to him clearly and firmly there is no turning back. Reason being? Cause hurting him now is better than hurting him later when he thinks everthing is ok. At least, even if I realise I like him after that, I have only myself to blame for not realising it earlier but at least I will feel that I have not let him down by dragging him all along without him knowing that our relationship is at the verge breaking up already. You maybe thinking, how can I, Pam, be so sure I will do this if I am in this situation? I assure that I will, for I have being through this situation.

Communication is extremely important in a relationship. Every problem you met along the way, you have to "showhand"-talk it out. Do not think you can settle things by yourselve or that you think you can still tolerate further. We are only humans. Relationship does not involves just love; it requires communication and commitment. Love is just like ice cream. It is very cooling and sweet at the start, but when you consume too much of it you grown sick of it. Therefore, you need commitment which is your water to balance things out and communication which is your ice to enhance your drink and make you realise that actually, without ice cream, iced water is also another choice for you. Without communication, you find commitment a chore. Without commitment, you wouldn't even bother to communicate.

When a break-up has been initialised, it's really nobody's fault, however it is inevitable. Even though either party maybe responsible to make the situation unpleasant or awkward, you must still face it that it still concludes that the two of you are not suitable. It will of course not be due to "we are so different" or "you deserve better" kinda reason, it is just that the two of you are unable / ready to give equal commitment to the relationship and communication break down. If it is solely communication break down, it could still be salvage if both is willing to sit down and talk it out, but if it is commitment problem, then I think you should not put too much hope on the relationship. You can definitely live on, for all of us came to this world alone.