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The child Thank you for all you had done for us. We are missing you, and will continue to miss you till the day we meet you again. Child of god, indeed you are. previous posts A friend of mine suggested that i should blog. Aft... True MIssing you Updatessss Updates Updates "When you know that your loved one is looking stra... Alright, gonna update before everyone starts telli... Again. comments links Krys Da Jie Aisya aka Ms "Lucky seh" Ah Gong Ant Uncle Zong Hui aka Hunky Kang Sheng(Uncle's best friend) Xiao Mei Hui Qing aka Food Buddy Stalker Jessie Chia Sin Sawadee Act Young Daigo "Sir" Gloria Josephine Gong Zhu Fredy aka Mr"I-Wan-2-Punch-U" Marc aka Mr "Wa Wa Wa Wa.." Lamer Char aka Asthma Woman My Lao Di My Lao Mei Ms Bear Baby Boi Mao Mao Miss "Otah" Mojojo
past 07.03.2005 07.10.2005 07.17.2005 07.24.2005 07.31.2005 08.07.2005 08.28.2005 09.11.2005 09.25.2005 10.02.2005 10.09.2005 11.13.2005 11.27.2005 01.15.2006 01.29.2006 02.19.2006 02.26.2006 03.05.2006 03.12.2006 03.19.2006 03.26.2006 04.02.2006 04.09.2006 04.16.2006 04.30.2006 05.07.2006 05.21.2006 06.04.2006 06.18.2006 07.16.2006 08.20.2006 08.27.2006 09.03.2006 09.10.2006 09.24.2006 10.01.2006 10.08.2006 10.22.2006 11.26.2006 03.18.2007 06.17.2007 07.29.2007 08.05.2007 08.12.2007 09.02.2007 09.23.2007 09.30.2007 10.07.2007 10.28.2007 11.04.2007 11.18.2007 11.25.2007 12.02.2007 12.09.2007 12.16.2007 12.30.2007 01.13.2008 01.20.2008 01.27.2008 02.03.2008 02.10.2008 02.17.2008 02.24.2008 03.02.2008 03.09.2008 03.16.2008 03.23.2008 03.30.2008 04.06.2008 04.13.2008 04.20.2008 04.27.2008 05.04.2008 05.11.2008 06.01.2008 06.08.2008 06.15.2008 06.29.2008 07.06.2008 08.03.2008 08.10.2008 08.24.2008 08.31.2008 09.07.2008 09.28.2008 10.26.2008 02.22.2009 05.03.2009 06.07.2009 08.16.2009 08.01.2010 08.08.2010 Credits Base code:OHsaygoodbye Image: sxc.hu |
Friday ( Life... @ 12:22:00 PM )  Recently, I have watch this movie called "Be with you", directed by Nobuhiro Doi. The movie talks about this guy call Takumi, who is married and has a son named Yuji. Sadly, his wife, Mio, passed away soon after their son was born. Takumi then lives a peaceful and quiet life with his son. Then a miracle happened. Mio came back on her first death anniversary, but has no recollection of who she is. Takumi brings her back home and tells her bit by bit everyday of what happens in the past, how they fall in love, get married, but not a word was mentioned on the fact that Mio had died one year ago. Family life resumes from where it left off. Sadly, there is always an end to everything. After a six weeks miracle, Mio left. Takumi & Yuji experience the pain of losing their loved one again... Have you once lost your loved ones? If not, can you imagine the pain of losing them? Watching this movie reminds me of my grandparents. When I was young, I was very close to my grandmother. She dotes on me. Remember there was a time when she bought lunch for us, and when I stare at the "lor-mee" she bought for my grandpa(his favourite),mouth drooling, my grandmother did not hestitate to give it to me, ignoring grandpa's pissed look. She was really hardworking. Even at her age, you can still see her squatting inside the bathroom scubbing clothes and insist on cooking the meals everyday. She is pretty fit, never had cough, cold, fever etc. Nah, she's a tough old lady. But when I was 7, it happened. I was told that my grandmother was really sick and had to stay in the hospital. At that time, I was too young to know what exactly happened. I wasn't allowed to visit the hospital as they believe that there's alot of germs in hospital and children are more vulnerable to them. In less than a month, she died. I didn't exactly know what "death" means. All of my cousins and I had to stay at my grandmother house that night while they prepare for her funeral which is to be held at the void deck. As a kid, I just find it thrilling to be able to sleep together with my cousins. The next day, we went to the funeral. I do not understand why they put a black and white photo of my grandmother there but did not ask further as there was a priest chanting away somewhere near my grandmother's photo. Then next moment, my father carry me and told me that we are going to see grandmother now. I was happy when I heard that and look around in search of my grandmother, while my dad brought me near to what seems like a wooden box- the coffin. When I looked into the coffin and saw my grandmother there, with make-up, but life-less, I turned away, scared and shocked. I cried and cried, while my dad quickly brought me away. I do not understand what I saw. My cousins try to cheer me up by making funny faces. I laughed and forgot about the earlier scenario I have saw. Rather, I think I choose not to remember at that moment, though my mind has already lock that image securely in my memories. How do I know that? Because till now, I can never forget how my grandmother looks like in the coffin. Then last year, my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer, due to his smoking habits. He, like my grandmother, had rarely fell ill before. But this time, cancer ripped his health apart. What is left of his once well-builded body are only skin and bones. They did not put him in hospital, as they do not want him to live his last few months in the "lifeless" hospital. When I visit him, I could not believe my eyes. His once fierce face has now change to a miserable look, always staring at the sky beyond his reach. He is too weak to move, and could only afford to move his fingers.He could not speak at all. My mind went blank. Although from what I see, he is really dying, but I still couldn't accept reality. Although I was not very close to him, but looking at this sick old man makes me feels sad for him and would want to accompany him to walk through this difficult time. I just want him to be happy. Weeks later, on a weekend, my mother received a phone call from my aunt. "He is leaving...." We rush down taking a cab, hoping and praying that we were not too late. When we reach there, my grandpa was breathing slowly and heavily. When my grandpa saw me, his fingers were moving and his breathing accelerates, as if he is trying to tell me something. But he could not. Tears form in his eyes. I hold back my tears as I instruct my other cousin to wipe the tear off his eyes. He looks so sad that I hope there was something I can do to cheer him up. Sadly, I can't. He is still waiting. Waiting for one of my uncle to come. They help him change to his best clothes. He waited, at certain times stop breathing for so long that we though he's gone. Then my uncle came. My grandpa's breathing start accelerating again. His children try to comfort him and ensure him to not worry about us. His breathe becomes shorter. The interval to the next breathe becomes longer. He close his eyes with pain as tear flows down. Many of us were crying uncontrollably. Suddenly he froze. Breathing stopped. "Ah Ba(Father)!" my mother shouted. He came back. My aunt told her not to "call him back" as he wants to leave. My mother left the room. My uncle tries to assure my grandfather that we will take care of ourselves. I cried as I see his breathing goes shorter and shorter, pained expression in his face. He's gone. I walked out of the room and fall to the sofa, crying. The pain in my heart could not be described. Thoughts starts flashing through my mind. Why didn't I try to know him better when he's alive? Why did I not make an effort to do so? Why? I dreamed of him the following night. We were having steamboat together. Maybe that was what he wants , to have the whole family back together. During the funeral, I look at his face in the coffin. They did not put make-up for him. His face was turning black already. Pained expression still there. I cried again. Throughout the funeral this time, I know exactly what is happening, and am glad I do, cause I would never want my grandfather to be erased from my memories. I wish he will be happy wherever he is now, and to live with peace. I have once lose my two loved ones, and it was painful. Real painful. I can't help to think of how irony life is, and of how little control we have over things. We cannot stop certain things from happening, no matter how closely the things are related to us. We cannot control when we die, but can only learn to cherish every single day we have. Every single day given to us is a precious gift we must make full use of, so that we will not live with regrets in the future for not having accomplished what we want. Next time when you wanna quarrell with someone, think again. Do you wanna waste time quarrelling, or cherish the time you have with this someone before its too late? Its your choice. 0 comments Wednesday ( Thoughts.... @ 2:20:00 AM )  Today I was viewing through my hubby's handphone, and saw some of the messages his ex-girlfriend had sent him. I was kinda shocked by what some of the messages, because through the message I see the gal's passion, love, and regrets... On the first few messages, it is sent when their relationship first started.At those times, the gal is very passionate and they should be a very loving couple. One of the message goes like this : "If a star drops down every time I miss you, then there should be no more stars left, because I am missing you in every moment of my life...." Words so poetic and passionate, that I am so sure I will never be able to say.... The gal has loved the guy(my hubby) so deeply and passionate that no amount of stars will be able to measure to that. This should be the period where love is sweet to the couple isn't it.... When their relationship has gone for a longer period of time, which is like 1-2 years, their love grow to a different stage. Now the gal's messages are mostly things like "dear must sleep early ok? If not tomorrow will be very tired...Miss u" , daily stuff a wife would remind her husband. This is when their love is deeper for each other.....this is a time where the gal could draw every details on her lover's face, even small almost invisible scars, pimples etc. Love is stable and heart-warming at this stage... Then comes the stage when the guy has more work to do and less time for the gal.... Tension is rising between the couple....Gal wouldn't understand why the guy dun love her as much as before.... Gal starts throwing temper everyday, and their path is getting more and more tough to move on... Gal knows she is being too bad-tempered but feels that guy should be tolerant. Guy tolerates till he could not take it. Break Up. "Human only learns to cherish something when its lost, but sadly some things will never be back after it is lost...." Indeed, this is always the case. When the girl recall the good old times in the past and how well the guy has always being treating her, being tolerant and understanding at all times, girl wants things to be as before. "I really hope for another chance to be ur gf, be with u when u need me, no matter in good or bad times......hope tat day will come..." -The girl regrets her decision made... Girl trys to mend her wrongs..... "I have always wanted to cook a meal for you , hope tonight's dinner is not too late...pls give me another chance..", but sadly, its really too late.... Girl had regrets.... "today is our 3yr 11mth, and next mth will be our 4 year, but it is meaningless now..." ...... "for the past 3year+, you have bought me to heaven, but after the big fall I am in hell, can you bring me up there again?I am torturing here..." But still, all is too late... Although the relationship has lasted for 3+years, but when love does not have the special touch on the couple anymore, it is gone forever....No amount of effort could bring that once so passionate love back again. Come to think of it, isn't love cruel? It brings two people to heaven but when it ended, they are being thrown harshly down,lower than where they first came from... Then the couple have to try and climb back to the ground, so that they could fly to heaven, and risk dropping down again? Humans can be pretty weird creatures huh... But well, being able to survive in this crazy and cruel world is weird enough, it won't hurt being even weirder... Some people may say, since there are risk when in contact with love, why risk it at the start? Well... everything thing has a risk isn't it? When taking an exam, you either pass / fail... Bungee jump...die of weak heart or survive with pride. Mostly, when we are able to survive form a fall, we learn important and precious knowledge. Just like in this world, nothing is free. You have to sacrifies something to get something else, the point would be what u wanna give up to get what you want. Actually, in this kind of riskful "games", there is always additional "insurances " you can buy so that u can be 70-100% sure that u will "survive". For example, before u take your exams, if you had revise regularly before the exams, you be pretty sure that u will pass isn't it? Just like in the "game of love", if you have an equal share commitment towards the relationship + tolerance and caring towards your partners' need, you would have a greater sense of security isn't it? And even if the relationship fails in the end, you will not have any regrets either cause you have done what you can to maintain the relationship... My theory.... Love+commitment=long lasting relationship... I once read this story.... about a small boy who had always love driving, and dream of having a motorbike... Thus before his 21st birthday, he told his father that he wanted a motorbike for his birthday. His father smiles, and said nothing. On the boy's 21st birthday, he was very excited to open his dad's present. Though the present looks abit too big to be a key, but the boy still unwrap in excitement, models of motorbike appearing in is mind.... It is a book. A bible, to be exact. The boy was angry and confused. Why? Why a bible? The boy could not forgive his father. He left home, never to come back.... Many years have passed, and the boy has turned to a fine young man. He had quite a stable income, cause though he left home, he continues his studies. One day he received a phone call from his mum. His dad is dead. His mum hopes he could come back to see his dad for the last time. Reluctantly, he returns home. His father is lying on his bed, lifeless. With just one look, the son turns away and head to his own room. The room is the same as before. There, on the table, lies the bible his father had gave him. Hatred filled the man. He took up the book and flip through the pages angrily. Then, something drops out from the book. It was a 60,000 cheque and a letter that says "Son, the reason I give you this bible is to test your patience. You do things rashly and is always impatient. If you manage to sit down and read this bible patiently it shows that you are mature enough to handle the bike, which I have given you the cheque so that you can choose what model you would like to have. drive with care son. Regards, Dad..." The son now run to his father's bed and cry towards the lifeless body...He cried and cried, but no amount of tears could bring his father back. His father is gone, and gone for good..... Well, many of us do live with regrets don't we? Why didn't we make the right choice at the start? Well, maybe somethings have to be learned the hard way....... 2 comments Sunday ( Holiday....Good or Bad? @ 8:54:00 PM )  The long awaited two months break is finally here. As i settle down with relief one particular night, suddenly it strikes me, what am I gonna do throughout the two months break? Although my body is aching for a long, long rest, my mind and soul however is not adapting to this freedom. In actual fact, my brain is telling me something is not right. My body needs to rest, but my mind needs to work desperately. The urgency for more work is getting greater and greater. So far, I have finished reading a few books I have bought in the past, but I need MORE work. Is this a hint for me to go find a job? Can my body still take it? Seriously, I don't know. Before I could further investigate what's wrong with me, a job has found its way to me. I have been offered a tutoring job. In addition, I will be taking up a wedding shooting project later in october. Now, my friend needs a job and as I help her search for jobs, I see more and more job opportunities awaiting me. Is this fate? Is this destiny? Seriously, I don't know.... 0 comments |
